The Stillness
All throughout my life I’ve always been surrounded by noise externally and internally until I moved to the United Kingdom and live and work in the countryside. I am amazed how when you change your environment your life could drastically change as well.
When I was a kid, for as far as I can remember, I have always been surrounded by people. I have six siblings, we have pets, neighbors, and relatives around our compound. It was always a life full of communication with people, stories from many sources, and invitations to do something here and there. Weekends were ever busy, and the need to go out or to do chores was common.
Then, I moved to the city and worked there for a couple of years. I thought the life I had growing up in my hometown was that noisy, it was not. Silence in the city only happens at around 11 pm or even later, and the hustle begins again at 4 am. I can stay in the room to find peace and quiet but there will still be sudden noises like heavy equipment or truck passing by, or a random stomp from the floor of our neighbor above me.
I got used to these noises and distractions in my environment that when I moved to have my own place, the silence baffled me. For days, I thought I would feel sad or lonely, and I am not sure if I did but for now it amazes me.
The amazement that I feel comes from the thought that it is possible to achieve this level of peace. It’s possible to create a space in which you can have the total silence you want to achieve. The silence that you can have even without wearing silencer headphones, or having soundproof rooms, it is the silence that you can choose what you want to hear.
This freedom from noise could only be temporary. I understand, that when and if I chose to have kids, it is not possible to have that silence around me. I know it because I had lived with my sister who raised three babies, for almost three years of living with my sister, I know how babies or kids could drain you mentally and physically. Although, I love them as they had left me good memories while I was with them. In short, it’s a choice that I would make in the long run, or short-run whether to give up that silence in order to bring humans into this world.
However, while this silence lasts, it feels me with a sense of gratefulness. I look outside and see the stillness and found a happy place on earth, away from home. Remembering the days of my life in my previous home, I noticed that here, I tend to write more, read more, and think more (also nap more). Sometimes, I think maybe, I had found inner silence as well. Maybe, I’ve made it possible already to have inner peace.
Still, it’s a long way to truly understand inner peace, to reach that level of being would be an achievement that I may or may not have in this lifetime. For now, I am happy to be where I am, sometimes work can be the cause of noise and chaos in my life but that is non-negotiable for now. My job is a blessing that even if I have to say that it drains me, it’s the one giving me this silence, and it is also the reason why I could provide myself with the things that I need to achieve this level of peace.
To end this, I remember my father who used to say to me when I was a kid, “Be quiet and be still”. Now, he does not need to remind me to do that because I feel the desire during my off days to be quiet and still. It has its own rewards and so far no repercussions.
