The Gentleman by the Door

The random thought occurred to me of why men open doors for women and the essence of gentleman acts in a world of feminism. Growing up I have seen men open doors for women in the movies, I seldom see this at home because our doors are most of the time open. I see security guards open doors because that is their job, and when I see a random man open a door for a woman, I thought it was an act of just being kind or that the woman ask him to do that.

These thoughts never actually came to me until I moved into Europe. When I was in my teenage years until becoming an adult in an Asian country, I never expected that men should open doors for me. I’ve never wished them to, and the thought of it is just plain nonsensical. Even when the time that my brother run to open the door of his car for me to alight, I was thinking why would he have to do that when I can do it myself. It is not an act of kindness for me because I could do it, it would be kind if I am not capable of doing it, and he’ll do that for me.

So why did I decide to write something about this? In the world that I am in, I am having problems opening doors. This did not happen to me before I moved because the doors there were small, plastic, light, and are not connected to a very tight spring. Meanwhile, the doors are literally heavy here in Britain. I do not know if it has something to do with the spring of the doors, or if it is the door itself. When I look at doors right now, I wish that they are either have an automatic feature or that someone on the other side is going to open them. The energy that I have to exert just to move it slightly open is too much for a girl like me who weighs 39 kilos. Thus, the dilemma.

Then, I got back to the thought of the reason why men started opening doors for women. I understood that opening doors are not a stage play so they could be called a gentleman. It’s not about men having manners or being kind to women. It’s not also trying to show off, it is basically a way of life.

Men should turn the knob, open, held, and wait for women to pass before they close the door. And women should accept it as it is. If or when the door is not heavy there is no reason for women to open it but so far the only door that is not heavy here to open are the ones in the toilet and bath. The doors are not there to send a message of a social construct. It is there as a door and they are really heavy.

In a perfect world, doors should be automatic. I wonder if it was a female engineer or scientist who invented the automatic doors or maybe it could also be a male person who hated opening doors for women. Or it could be that they never thought of it, and they just wanted our lives to be more convenient.

So, I know I sound ridiculous in writing an article about this. I was battling to even get started with this post but here I am closing it with the hope that I get the message across the internet. The message is to open doors for women. We are not being lazy, trying to be cute, or waiting for a knight in shining armor. We are wasting our energy in opening these doors that could have been directed to cooking, doing the dishes, or other chores that men hate to do. It drains my energy to open these doors that sometimes, I just don’t want to leave my room because, I literally have to open four doors just to reach the kitchen and that is twice the effort if I have to go back to my room, which apparently I have to.

People would say, that why don’t you exercise to improve your stamina, or lift weights so that you’ll have enough muscle strength. Well, if I could write an entire article convincing people to open doors for women, then I bet one could understand, that I would not do anything of those exercises. I do yoga but flexibility and flow don’t help in opening doors built heavily in case monsters attack.

Doors are there for men to take that opportunity to show to women and to the younger generation that a small act of kindness can save so much of a woman’s distress. It’s still sweet to see men doing this act and it leaves me smiling when a man opens doors, sometimes I even sigh in relief.

I’d always say that I do not expect anything from men but now after a few months of opening heavy doors, I hopefully expect that they open doors for women when by chance they are close to the door. Many women do not want grand acts of gentleman gestures, they just need a man that can open things that are heavy or difficult for them. It is an act of kindness, it could show affection, concern, and even attention, all of which women look for in a man.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Sophie Metropolis

Sophie Metropolis

Minimal Living. #LivingAloneDiaries #Expat